Perhaps you're familiar with this: You're actually in the mood, you feel close to your partner – and yet everything feels dry , tight , or even burning . Penetration is uncomfortable, maybe even painful. Sometimes the problem arises suddenly, sometimes it develops gradually. And often there's a feeling of shame or frustration.
Vaginal dryness is very common. It affects women in different phases of life – during puberty, in stressful times, after childbirth, during menopause, or even without any identifiable trigger. It is not a sign of "low libido" or "not normal," but rather an interplay of the body, hormones, psyche, and circumstances.
In this article, we'll take a closer look: What exactly is vaginal dryness ? What are the possible causes? And most importantly: What concrete steps can you take to make sex pleasurable, enjoyable, and pain-free again?
What exactly is vaginal dryness?
Vaginal dryness refers to a condition in which the mucous membranes in the vagina and vaginal opening are not sufficiently lubricated. This can feel very different for each person:
dry
tense
burning
sensitive
sore
This can cause pain during sex or even just when inserting a finger or toy. Those affected often worry or withdraw – and this frequently exacerbates the problem.
It's important to know that natural vaginal lubrication isn't the same every day. Your menstrual cycle , mood , stress , and hormones all play a significant role. "Dryness" is defined as persistent discomfort over an extended period.
Possible causes: Why the vagina becomes dry
Vaginal dryness has many faces – there is no single cause. Often, several factors come together.
Hormonal changes
Hormones are one of the most important factors influencing vaginal lubrication.
Typical situations:
Menopause (estrogen decreases)
after birth and during breastfeeding
hormonal contraception (the pill, etc.)
hormonal disorders or diseases
When estrogen levels drop, the uterine lining becomes thinner, drier, and more sensitive. This is medically well-explained – and not a personal failing.
Stress, psyche and everyday life
Your mind is playing tricks on you. If you:
are stressed
you feel pressured
You are afraid of pain
you feel uncomfortable in your body
…then the body can “go ahead” despite desire. Arousal is not only a matter of stimuli, but also of safety and relaxation .
Medications & Diseases
Some medications and physical illnesses can contribute to dryness, for example:
Antidepressants
Antihistamines (for allergies)
Blood pressure medication
Chemotherapy or radiation therapy
Autoimmune diseases
An open conversation with your doctor is worthwhile here.
Too much or too aggressive hygiene
Intimate wash gels, soaps, douches – many of these dry out the sensitive mucous membrane or disrupt the natural flora.
Less is often more here: warm water is usually sufficient.
Typical symptoms: How to recognize vaginal dryness
Vaginal dryness isn't just a problem during sex. Many women also experience discomfort in their everyday lives.
Common symptoms:
Burning or stinging in the genital area
A feeling of dryness, "as if everything is tight"
Pain during sex (vaginal penetration)
Micro-tears or soreness after sex
increased sensitivity to tampons or toys
Sometimes also recurring infections
If you experience such symptoms frequently, it's worth taking a closer look – and seeking support .
What can happen if you do nothing?
Vaginal dryness is not "just unpleasant". In the long run, it can:
-
Increased pain during sex
to cause minor injuries
increase the risk of infection (e.g., fungal infections, irritations)
leading you to avoid sex
negatively impact your self-image and your relationship
The topic of " pain during sex " has a strong emotional component: Many sufferers wonder if "something is wrong with them." That's why it's so important to know: You are not alone – and you can do something about it .
What you can do immediately: First aid for vaginal dryness
There are some things you can do directly to feel relief – without much effort.
Lubricant as gentle support
Lubricants are not an "emergency product", but a perfectly normal part of conscious, mindful sexuality.
For vaginal dryness, a good lubricant is often the first and most important step:
reduces friction
prevents pain
protects the mucous membrane
can rekindle desire
The following are particularly suitable for sensitive mucous membranes:
Water-based lubricants (preferably without perfume and harsh ingredients)
Special lubricants for sensitive or dry vaginal mucosa
Silicone-based lubricants are particularly long-lasting, but pay attention to compatibility and possibly to the toy material.
slow down
Arousal takes time. If you take more time for the following, your body will have more opportunity to respond in a pleasurable way:
Stroke
Kiss
tenderness
Prelude in any form
relieve the pressure
You don't have to "achieve" anything. You are also allowed to:
-
Stop having sex if it hurts.
Say no if you don't feel ready.
Choose alternatives (e.g., other forms of closeness)
Desire arises where you feel safe – not where you function.
Medium and long term: What can really help
Vaginal dryness can often be significantly alleviated by considering the body, mind, and environment together.
Adjust intimate hygiene
Avoid using harsh washing lotions and conditioners.
Use only water or mild, pH-neutral intimate wash products.
Wear airy cotton underwear.
The vagina is largely self-cleaning – too much "care" is more likely to cause harm.
Lifestyle & Stress
What sounds banal often has a stronger effect than expected:
Drink enough fluids
Get enough sleep
Reduce stress where possible
Bringing relaxation and self-care into everyday life
Your entire organism affects your sexuality – not just the intimate area.
Hormonal evaluation
If you:
-
are you going through menopause
You recently gave birth
Hormonal contraception uses
suddenly develops severe drought
…it may be helpful to consult a gynecologist to determine if a hormonal component is involved. Sometimes local hormone preparations (e.g., estrogen-containing creams or suppositories) can help.
Communication with your partner
Vaginal dryness doesn't just affect your body, but often also your shared sexuality. Talking about it can provide relief and create intimacy.
What you can say:
"I've been experiencing more dryness and sometimes pain lately – it's not your fault, but I need a little more support."
"I would like to use lubricant to make it more comfortable for me."
"I probably need a little more time until my body really feels ready."
What you might want to avoid:
Pretending everything is okay, even though it hurts
"bite through it"
To "endure" sex only for the sake of your partner
If your partner knows what's going on, he or she can support you better – for example, by being more patient, exploring other forms of sexuality, or consciously using lubricants .
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Sex toys and vaginal dryness: Can they go together?
Yes – if you pay attention to certain things, toys can even be part of the solution.
Things you should pay attention to:
soft, high-quality materials (e.g., silicone)
Smaller diameters are preferable, especially in cases of pain.
Always use lubricant
-
Start slowly and mindfully
Sex toys can:
help you to get to know your body in a new way and without pressure
allow you to play at your own pace
show you which touches are pleasant and which are not.
Especially when combined with lubricant , solo play can be a way to regain trust in your body and your desire .
When you should seek medical help
Vaginal dryness is common, but not always harmless. You should seek medical advice if:
Symptoms suddenly become severe
you have recurring fungal infections or inflammations
You notice bleeding, significant pain, or unusual discharge.
you feel that your symptoms are worsening
you feel very stressed, insecure or restricted
A gynecological examination is nothing to be ashamed of – on the contrary: it can help you find targeted and quick relief.
How loveiu.ch can support you
Vaginal dryness is a sensitive topic – at loveiu.ch you will find products that are designed to gently support you, instead of creating additional stress.
You will find, among other things:
High-quality, water-based lubricants for sensitive mucous membranes
Toys made of soft, body-safe silicone
Massage oils and accessories for relaxed body contact
Inspiration for mindful, pleasurable sexuality without performance pressure
The focus is always on: your well-being , your self-determination and your pleasure – at your own pace.
Conclusion: You are not alone – and you can do something.
Vaginal dryness is not a fringe phenomenon, but something that affects many women and women with vulvas. It says nothing about how "feminine," "attractive," or "desirable" you are. It also doesn't automatically mean that you "don't want sex."
It's a signal from your body – and you should listen to it.
With:
Knowledge about causes
gentle, conscious intimate care
Lubricants that support you
Openness in the partnership
and medical accompaniment if necessary
...you can gradually reclaim a sex life that feels good, free and pleasurable .
loveiu.ch is there to support you – with products designed to make your life easier, not more complicated.
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