Your phone vibrates, a message pops up – and instead of "How was your day?" it says something that sends shivers down your spine. A sentence that makes it clear: this is about more than small talk. This is where sexting begins – the game with words, fantasies, and images that can build intense erotic tension between you.
Sexting can be a bridge: between everyday life and desire, between distance and intimacy, between fantasy and reality. At the same time, it's a sensitive area. Your phone is a private space – but it's also a device that stores data and could theoretically be shared. That makes it all the more important to engage in sexting not only spontaneously, but also consciously.
In this article you will learn exactly what sexting is, why it can be so appealing, what risks are involved – and how you can ensure that you don't have to pit pleasure against safety.
What sexting is – and how different it can look
Sexting means sharing erotic or sexual content via digital channels: messenger, chat, social media, or email. This can start very subtly – with a slightly suggestive sentence – or become very explicit.
For some, sexting is primarily:
writing erotic fantasies
Describing what you later wish for together
For others, this also includes pictures or videos, such as revealing selfies or photos in underwear or nude. The important thing is: sexting isn't a specific format, but a spectrum. You define your own boundaries.
You don't need to send photos to sext "properly," nor do you need to be able to write particularly poetically. What's crucial is that you feel comfortable with what you share.
Why sexting can be so appealing
Sexting isn't simply "substitute sex on your phone." It combines language, fantasy, and anticipation in a way that's sometimes missing in our hectic daily lives. You can create an atmosphere without being in the same room—ideal for long-distance relationships, couples with busy lives, or people who are just getting to know each other.
The appeal often lies in the mix of closeness and distance . You reveal something of yourself without giving away absolutely everything. You can control, hint, delay. In a time when so much is instantly available, this slow build-up can be incredibly erotic.
No sexting without consent
Sexting is only pleasurable if both parties consciously consent. Unsolicited dick pics, nude photos, or aggressively sexual messages are not sexting, but rather boundary violations.
Especially at the beginning, it's worthwhile to address the topic openly. For example, you could write:
"May I write you something that's more erotic in nature?"
"I'd like to text with you in a slightly more playful way – would that be okay with you?"
A clear "yes" creates security. A "no" or hesitation is just as valuable – it shows that the other person is taking you seriously. Your task is then to respect that. No one "owes" you erotic messages, no matter how close you are.
Risks & pitfalls – what you should keep in mind
As much fun as sexting can be, the digital space has its own pitfalls. Messages can be saved, screenshots taken, and images forwarded. This doesn't mean you have to avoid sexting altogether – but it does mean you should consciously decide with whom and to what extent you share intimate content.
Things get tricky, for example, when:
you hardly trust someone yet
you are under pressure to send pictures or texts
Your counterpart seems jealous, unpredictable, or manipulative.
a separation or conflict is currently imminent
Your future self will thank you if you err on the side of caution.
Sexting safety: Your rules, your control
Security doesn't begin with apps or technology, but with inner boundaries . You can consciously define:
What kind of content am I sending?
Are there things I generally don't show (e.g., my face, certain body parts)?
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With whom did I have a sext – and with whom definitely not?
Many, for example, choose the principle: no nude photos showing their face. Others make sure that nothing in the background could clearly identify them (room details, documents, workplace). Still others stick entirely to text and don't send any pictures at all.
The crucial point is: these rules belong to you. You can adjust or tighten them at any time. "I used to be more relaxed" doesn't mean you're less "cool" now – just more aware.
How to start sexting – without showing everything right away
The opening doesn't have to be spectacular. Often, a small step into more erotic language is enough. For example, you can start by playing with hints : what you like about the other person, what you're thinking about right now, or what you'd like for later.
Instead of sending a photo directly, you can start with:
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a description of how you are feeling right now
a hint about what you're wearing
a fantasy about what might happen if you were alone right now.
Ask how the other person envisions it. This creates a dialogue – not just a one-sided "show". The more you brainstorm together, the less you have to "perform".
Sexting in relationships: an update for desire
In long-term relationships, sexting can help keep the erotic spark alive. Everyday life, children, work, and other obligations can sometimes cause eroticism to fade into the background. A little message now and then, something "not suitable for minors," can suddenly bring a new dimension to the relationship.
It can be very subtle: a sentence hinting at what you're looking forward to in the evening. Or a reminder of a particularly beautiful moment together in bed. You can consciously choose to incorporate sexting as a game – without the expectation that it has to immediately lead to physical sex every time.
Especially in stable relationships, trust can provide additional relief: You know each other, you know how to handle pictures and messages, and you can say in an emergency: "I don't feel like it today" – without everything falling apart.
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Sexting and self-esteem: You are more than your pictures
When sexting goes well, it can boost your self-confidence. You feel desired, seen, sexy. That can be wonderful. At the same time, there's a high risk that you'll internally measure yourself by how much attention or feedback you receive.
It's important to remember that sexting remains a bonus – not the sole source of your feelings of attractiveness. If you find yourself feeling down when there's no reply or someone doesn't respond as you'd hoped, it's worth taking a break. You're not only valuable when someone responds to your erotic message.
The same applies to sending pictures: You can do it because you want to – not because you're afraid of being too boring, too prudish or not "modern" enough.
Sex toys & sexting: When fantasy becomes physical
Sexting doesn't have to be purely digital. You can deliberately incorporate sex toys to turn fantasy into a physical experience.
Maybe you masturbate while you text and describe what you're doing. Maybe you use a vibrator or a masturbator and describe the sensation. Or you agree to touch each other simultaneously – each person using the toy that feels good.
Toys that can be controlled via app or remote control can be particularly exciting. Your partner can, for example , control your vibrator remotely while you chat or talk on the phone. This way, sexting merges with real physical stimulation.
Lubricant can help make everything more comfortable and intense – especially if you're playing for a longer time or aiming for multiple orgasms.
When things go wrong: Dealing with unpleasant situations
Not every sexting experience is perfect. You might send something you later regret. Someone might take a screenshot or suddenly become disrespectful. Someone might threaten to share your content.
As difficult as it is, a clear head is essential in such moments. You can block the person, document conversations, and—depending on the situation—consider legal action. In Switzerland, the unauthorized distribution of intimate images is an infringement of privacy and can be a criminal offense.
One thing is important: shame must not lead to silence. You acted in trust – if someone abuses that trust, the problem lies not with you, but with that person.
How loveiu.ch can indirectly support you with sexting
Even though sexting primarily involves text and images, anything that strengthens your body awareness can positively influence your experience. If you feel comfortable with yourself, enjoy touching yourself, and know your desires, it will be easier to write about them authentically.
At loveiu.ch you will find:
Toys for solo and couples play that you can incorporate into sexting
Lubricants that make masturbation more pleasant and intense
Products that invite you to perceive your body in a new and loving way.
In this way, sexting becomes not just a virtual exchange, but part of a holistic, self-determined sexuality.
Conclusion: Sexting is a game – not a test
Sexting can be exciting, connecting, and incredibly pleasurable—provided you adhere to consent, respect, and safety. It's not a test of whether you're "cool enough," not an obligation in a relationship, and not a measure of your worth.
You are allowed to play, fantasize, and experiment. You are allowed to be cautious, set boundaries, and change your mind. And you are always allowed to decide that real touch is more important to you than any message.
loveiu.ch accompanies you on your journey to a sexuality that suits you – even if it sometimes comes in the form of messages.
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