In a world where sexuality is omnipresent—in advertising, films, social media, and conversations—it's easy to get the impression that sexual desire is equally important to everyone. But that's not reality. Not everyone experiences sexual attraction. And that's neither sick, nor wrong, nor a deficiency. It's one of many natural variations of human sexuality: asexuality .
Perhaps you've already asked yourself why you feel little or no sexual interest. Or you have a partner who identifies as asexual. In this article, you'll learn what asexuality really means, what forms it takes, how it can affect relationships – and why it's just as normal as any other sexual orientation.
What does asexuality mean?
Asexuality means that a person experiences little to no sexual attraction to other people. This does not automatically mean that they do not desire a relationship, intimacy, or love. It is solely about sexual attraction – not romance, feelings, or commitment.
The important thing is:
Asexuality is not a choice , a phase, a trauma, or a disorder. It is a sexual orientation, just like heterosexuality, homosexuality, or bisexuality.
Asexual people can have romantic relationships, feel deep love, enjoy closeness and tenderness, but still experience little or no sexual desire.
Asexuality is not a single, uniform state.
Asexuality is not a fixed condition, but a spectrum . Some people never experience sexual attraction, others only under very specific conditions. Therefore, there are different subtypes within asexuality.
The most common include:
Grey asexuality: very infrequent or weak sexual desire
Demisexuality: sexual desire arises only after a strong emotional bond.
Aromantic asexuality: no sexual attraction and no romantic interest
Romantic asexuality: no sexual desire, but a desire for a relationship.
This diversity shows that asexuality is not "all or nothing". It is individual and exists on a broad spectrum.
Asexuality vs. sexual disinterest or blockages
A common misconception is that asexuality is equated with a lack of sexual desire, hormonal problems, or psychological blocks. But these are completely different things.
Loss of sexual desire can be caused by:
stress
exhaustion
Relationship conflicts
hormonal changes
Medications
Asexuality, on the other hand, is not a disorder that needs to be treated. It is not a phase that "goes away," and not a condition that should be therapized. Asexual people do not need to be "fixed."
How do you know if you are asexual?
Many people discover their asexuality late in life, often because they spend a long time trying to conform to societal expectations. Typical questions many ask themselves include:
"Why am I less interested in sex than others?"
“Why don’t I understand this urge that everyone describes?”
"Is there something wrong with me?"
Typical signs can include:
no or hardly any need for sex
lack of sexual fantasies
Infatuation without sexual desire
Lack of understanding about how important sex is to others
Not all asexual people experience it the same way. Some masturbate, others don't. Some enjoy pornography, others not at all. That, too, is part of diversity.
Asexuality and relationships – does that work?
One of the most common concerns surrounding asexuality is whether a fulfilling relationship is even possible. The clear answer is: Yes, it is very possible – but only on a conscious, open basis.
Asexual people can have romantic relationships, form deep bonds, live together, marry, or start families. What can differ, however, is the role of sexuality within the partnership. Some relationships function entirely without sex, while others find individual solutions, especially when one person is asexual and the other is not. Crucially, sexual orientation is not the determining factor, but rather the ability to communicate honestly about needs, expectations, and boundaries.
When one person wants sex and the other doesn't
In mixed-gender relationships – that is, when one person is asexual and the other is not – challenges can arise. This is normal and not a sign of failure.
Important questions are:
What does sex mean to you?
What does closeness mean to me?
What do we miss when sex is absent?
What hurts us when we have to adapt?
Some couples find solutions through:
clear agreements
alternative forms of closeness
open sexuality
conscious decisions to abstain
None of these solutions is universally "correct". The correct solution is the one that makes sense to both parties.
Asexuality does not mean emotional coldness
Another common misconception is that asexual people are distant or unemotional. The opposite is often true. Many asexual people are very sensitive, capable of forming attachments, and emotionally open. They simply express intimacy in different ways.
This can happen, for example, through:
intense cuddling
long conversations
shared rituals
-
Tenderness without sexual intent
Asexuality does not mean less depth – but often a different form of intimacy.
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Asexuality, self-esteem and societal pressure
In a world where sexuality is ubiquitous, asexuality can quickly create a feeling of "not belonging." Dating apps, advertising, films, and even social circles often convey the message that sexual desire is perfectly normal. Those who don't experience this often begin to question themselves. Many asexual people report periods in which they believed there was something wrong with them. Some tried to fit in, entering into sexual relationships even though they felt internally empty or overwhelmed.
This pressure to conform can be emotionally draining. For many, relief comes only from the knowledge that asexuality is a valid sexual orientation . Being able to categorize oneself provides support, self-esteem, and the realization that one is not alone. Being asexual does not mean feeling less, loving less, or needing less intimacy. It simply means that attraction is expressed differently—or not at all—through sexuality.
Physicality, self-stimulation and individual pleasure
Asexuality doesn't automatically mean that physical intimacy is unpleasant. Many asexual people greatly enjoy closeness, touch, and tenderness—simply without a sexual context. Hugs, falling asleep together, massages, or gentle caresses can be just as bonding as sex is for other people. For some, physical closeness is even incredibly important, as long as it remains free from sexual expectations.
There is no single, uniform reality when it comes to self-stimulation. Some asexual people masturbate, others occasionally use sex toys , and still others feel no need for it at all. Self-stimulation can serve purely as physical relaxation, stress relief, or for body awareness – independent of sexual attraction. This clearly demonstrates once again that asexuality does not necessarily mean a lack of physical desire, but primarily the absence of sexual attraction to other people.
At loveiu.ch, people who experience sexuality beyond classic patterns can also find products that can be used without performance pressure, without expectations and completely self-determined – whether with or without a partner.
Asexuality is not fixed – identity can change.
Not everyone who identifies as asexual today will remain so for their entire life. For some, asexuality is a constant identity, for others a phase, and for still others a condition that slowly changes. Feelings, experiences, relationships, and life circumstances can have an influence—but they don't have to.
The important thing is: You can define yourself today in whatever way feels right to you, without having to commit to anything for the future.
Identity is not a contract. You are allowed to use terms to better understand yourself—and later let them go if they no longer fit. Whether you openly identify as asexual or only use it for your own personal purposes is entirely your decision. You don't owe anyone an explanation. Your sexuality belongs to you—in every form.
Conclusion: Asexuality is not the absence of love
Asexuality doesn't mean you love less, need less closeness, or feel less deeply. It simply means that sexual attraction plays no role for you, or a different role, than for many other people. This doesn't make you incomplete, but simply different – and perfectly normal.
Whether you live with a partner or alone, whether with or without physical intimacy, with or without self-stimulation: your form of intimacy is just as valuable as any other. Sexuality is diverse, and asexuality is a natural part of it.
loveiu.ch stands for a sexuality without pressure, without norms, and without performance anxiety. Asexuality also has its place here – as a self-determined, respected, and completely legitimate form of human experience.
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