The lack of desire in our bed - How to get rid of it!

There are many different reasons why people don't want sex, and so are the reasons for it. Unsatisfying sex, routine, shame, or even everyday stress, which manifests itself in many different ways, can all affect sexual desire. Stress is the number one sex killer! Whether it's a stressful job, everyday family life with children, stressful situations, physical condition, or serious illnesses, all of which affect our libido.

The lack of desire can be an oppressive feeling that becomes more and more entrenched and doesn't go away on its own. Many people wish that everything would work out on its own again, and they have this idea too. After all, everything worked when they first met. But the couples I support in sex therapy in Basel realize after a while that they have to work on it if sexuality is to be a part of their relationship. I make it clear to the couples that sexuality is a process. Sexuality can change and develop throughout their lives. This attitude motivates many people to realize that they do have influence and don't have to simply accept their situation.

When I talk about sexual desire , I mean the enjoyment and pleasure of sex. This is sometimes very different from sexual longing, which describes the desire for sex. It is an anticipation that can trigger the arousal reflex. This distinction is generally not made; I find this again and again in couples therapy . It is a key question when I ask about general desire in bed. I observe that many couples enjoy sex (= sexual desire), but the hurdle to engaging in sex at all (= sexual desire) is very high or even nonexistent. The mind and thus our thoughts significantly influence our physical desire for sex! How can couples get closer again? How can they show that they want to allow physical intimacy?

therapy

In therapy, we first work on why sex is no longer happening. This can look different for each person. We then look back to the beginning of the relationship. Was sex viewed as a resource? What enabled and supported sexual desire and subsequent pleasure? How does each person experience sex for themselves, and can they express this through solo sex?

Physical exercises

With physical exercises , which are carried out fully clothed in the practice, the first attempts will be made to show couples how they can meet at home in a pleasurable way. I refer to everyday situations such as exchanging glances, touching and the exchange of emotions, which have an impact on the general experience. Even small interventions can trigger a lot in couples. I include the whole body and thus the direct experience. Because changes on the experiential level are more lasting and holistic! So in order to banish the lack of desire from bed, our body is a treasure that we can develop throughout our lives.